General24 Jan 2006 03:18 pm

In West Edmonton Mall there is a grouping of kiosks that sell various ‘wares’ such as band teeshirts, creepy CDs that feature songs with the name of your child in them, and hair straighteners.

Now, these aren’t just your average, run of the mill straighteners, these are the CORIOLISS BRAND! (yeah, I know, it means a lot to me too, and I know a lot about hair appliances) Every time I walk past them I often receive calls of “MISS! MISS! Do you long for long, silky straight hair?” and it really irritates me. They run to me like an oasis in the driest desert in the world. They try to make it sound like having curly hair is a curse and it takes me hours to struggle with it in the morning. (In actuality, it takes me twice as long to blow dry it straight and about three more products than I would normally use)

This week I noticed a curious phenomenon, however. As I walked with my boyfriend, I saw the bright pink hair straighteners being waved in the air as the salepeople tried to flog them to passersby with lil’ Orphan Annie hair. I cowered behind my boyfriend as we passed, hoping to avoid them. Then, one of the salespeople, obviously well attuned to women with any sort of hair on her head, honed in on me.

But! His eyes passed me by, roving on to find his next victim. For a moment I didn’t understand, until I passed a mirrored column and saw my reflection. In it, I saw that I had styled my hair straight for the day. Damn prejudiced bastards.

3 Responses to “oasis”

  1. on 25 Jan 2006 at 9:11 am 32-P

    (falls off chair)

    …Also, I never noticed a hair-straightener kiosk. Is that a fairly new thing, or is it just that they only target Li’l Orphan Annies rather than ‘wavy but erratic Def Leppard hair’ people and so I was never targeted?

  2. on 25 Jan 2006 at 10:48 am kelly

    There are two kiosks I think, since I seem to get hit multiple times some days. There is one up by the “asian village” street that goes down into chinatown. I think they’re trying to hit up the young asian girls who need more stuff in their lives. It’s possible you were just blissfully ignorant to their screeches of “DO YOU WANT GLOSSY SHINY STRAIGHT HAIR??” as you avoided the crowds of dudes in Hammer pants and pre teens wearing tank tops and showing their love handles off. Man I love The Mall.

  3. on 25 Jan 2006 at 2:03 pm 32-P

    I love the idea of an Asian girl needing a hair straightener in the first place. 😀